Fun Files (Texts, Jokes, Links, Games etc.)

[Micrologist]

Originally Posted by Unick

unterschiedlicher humor

was für einen humor muss man haben, um die standorte brennender autos lustig zu finden?

[$Xeon$]

...im Laden, Gespräch zwischen zwei Russen
Erster

„Kauf zwei“
Zweiter

„Wozu?“
Erster













„Kauf zwei Flaschen“
Zweiter

„Zwei schaffen wir nicht“
Erster

„Kauf einfach“
Zweiter

„Wie du willst...


















Hallo, ich hätte gern zwei Flaschen Cola und eine Kiste Vodka

[DunkleSeele]

Von Scrubs :

Geht Jemand zum Zahnarzt, der Zahnarzt fragt : "Was ist ihr Problem ?"
Der andere Antwortet :"Ich glaube ich bin eine Motte ."
Zahnarzt :"Und was wollen sie dann hier?"
Der andere :"Hier war das Licht an !"

[Dark Raccoon]

 Spoiler

Theaters in Glendale, California can show horror films only on Monday, Tuesday, or Wednesday.

You can't plow a cotton field with an elephant in North Carolina.

In Lehigh, Nebraska it's against the law to sell donut holes.

Under the law of Mississippi, there’s no such thing as a female Peeping Tom.

Anti-modem laws restrict Internet access in the country of Burma. Illegal possession of a modem can lead to a prison term.

Lawn darts are illegal in Canada.

In Idaho a citizen is forbidden by law to give another citizen a box of candy that weighs more than 50 pounds.

Every citizen of Kentucky is required by law to take a bath at least once a year.

It is against the law to whale hunt in Oklahoma. (Think about it...)

A Venetian law decrees that all gondolas must be painted black. The only exceptions are gondolas belonging to high public officials.

In the state of Queensland, Australia, it is still constitutional law that all pubs (hotel/bar) must have a railing outside for patrons to tie up their horse.

According to law, no store is allowed to sell a toothbrush on the Sabbath in Providence, Rhode Island. Yet these same stores are allowed to sell toothpaste and mouthwash on Sundays.

Before the enactment of the 1978 law that made it mandatory for dog owners in New York City to clean up after their pets, approximately 40 million pounds of dog excrement were deposited on the streets every year.

Chewing gum is outlawed in Singapore because it is a means of "tainting an environment free of dirt."

The handkerchief had been used by the Romans, who ordinarily wore two handkerchiefs: one on the left wrist and one tucked in at the waist or around the neck. In the fifteenth century, the handkerchief was for a time allowed only to the nobility; special laws were made to enforce this. The classical heritage was rediscovered during the Renaissance.

For hundreds of years, the Chinese zealously guarded the secret of sericulture; imperial law decreed death by torture to those who disclosed how to make silk.

An old law in Bellingham, Washington, made it illegal for a woman to take more than 3 steps backwards while dancing.

By law, information collected in a U.S. census must remain confidential for 72 years.

Candy made from pieces of barrel cactus was outlawed in the U.S. in 1952 to protect the species.

A slander case in Thailand was once settled by a witness who said nothing at all. According to the memoirs of Justice Gerald Sparrow, a 20th century British barrister who served as a judge in Bangkok, the case involved two rival Chinese merchants. Pu Lin and Swee Ho. Pu Lin had stated sneeringly at a party that Swee Ho's new wife, Li Bua, was merely a decoration to show how rich her husband was. Swee Ho, he said, could no longer "please the ladies." Swee Ho sued for slander, claiming Li Bua was his wife in every sense - and he won his case, along with substantial damages, without a word of evidence being taken. Swee Ho's lawyer simply put the blushing bride in the witness box. She had decorative, gold-painted fingernails, to be sure, but she was also quite obviously pregnant.

In Breton, Alabama, there is a law on the town's books against riding down the street in a motorboat.

Connecticut and Rhode Island never ratified the 18th Amendment: Prohibition.

A few years back, a Chinese soap hit it big with consumers in Asia. It was claimed in ads that users would lose weight with Seaweed Defat Scented Soap simply by washing with it. The soap was sold in violation to the Japanese Pharmaceutical Affairs Law and was banned. Reportedly, the craze for the soap was so great that Japanese tourists from China and Hong Kong brought back large quantities. The product was also in violation of customs regulations. In June and July 1999 alone, over 10,000 bars were seized.

In most American states, a wedding ring is exempt by law from inclusion among the assets in a bankruptcy estate. This means that a wedding ring cannot be seized by creditors, no matter how much the bankrupt person owes.

In New York State, it is still illegal to shoot a rabbit from a moving trolley car.

Vermont, Alaska, Hawaii, and Maine are the four states in the U.S. that do not allow billboards.

Wetaskiwin, Alberta from 1917: "It's against the law to tie a male horse next to a female horse on Main Street."

Women were banned by royal decree from using hotel swimming pools in Jidda, Saudi Arabia, in 1979.

In Riverside, California, there is an old law on the city's books which makes it illegal to kiss unless both people wipe their lips with rose water.

In Saudi Arabia, a woman reportedly may divorce her husband if he does not keep her supplied with coffee.

[-globe-]

Originally Posted by forensig

wget http:// freundin. org/ source/ girlfriend/ girl-5. 4. tar. gz && tar xf girl-5. 4. tar. gz && cd girl-5. 4 &&./ configure -hair black -eyes dark-size 172 -weight 61-age 26--prefix=/ schlafzimmer && make && make install

.

[Superherox3]

Maria zu Elena: "Du, ich flieg bald zur Sonne"
Elena zu Maria: "Sag mal, spinnst du? Dort ist es heiß!"
Maria zu Elena: "Quatsch! Ich fliege Nachts"

[ZeroShout]

treffen sich 2 rosinen, sagt die eine zur anderen: wieso hast du nen helm auf? sagt die andere: ich muss noch in den stollen

[xTechn0x]

sagt der eine Hauptschüler zum andern:
bin schlauer wie du!
sagt der andre: is ja auch nich schwer

ich schreib zum hauptschüler: scheiß hauptschüler!
der hauptschüler shcreibt: hör auf mich zu ergehrn !

es gibt keine Hauptschul witze, die Hauptschule ist ein Witz

[Banana.Crafts]

Das ist ein Bild, aber es sit sau geil find ich;D

Es hat den Titel: "Risiken beim Gebrauch von Google Maps"

[S.A.L.O.M.O.N.]

Gedicht der Frau:

Müde bin ich, geh zur Ruh,
mache meine Augen zu.
Lieber Nikolaus bevor ich schlaf,
bitte ich Dich noch um was.
Schick mir mal 'nen netten Mann,
der auch wirklich alles kann.
Der mir Komplimente macht,
nicht über meinen Hintern lacht,
mich stets nur auf Händen trägt,
sich Geburtstage einprägt,
*** nur will, wenn ich grad mag
und mich liebt wie am ersten Tag.
Soll die Füße mir massieren
und mich schick zum Essen führen.
Er soll treu und zärtlich sein
und mein bester Freund obendrein.


Gedicht des Mannes:

Lieber Nikolaus ,
schicke mir eine taubstumme Nymphomanin die einen Getränkehandel
besitzt und Jahreskarten fürs Stadion. Und es ist mir scheißegal,
dass sich das nicht reimt!

[Horsedick.MPEG​]

hahahaha made my day.

[wassavas]

haha der ist gut
''was muss eine frau zuerst ausziehen um ein mann ins bett zu kriegen?
den stecker des fernsehers'' hahaha xD


Ein Pärchen beim *** - sie fängt an zu stöhnen: "Jaaa, gibs mir! Sag mir dreckige Sachen!"
Er: "Küche, Bad, Wohnzimmer..."


xD

"Papi, was ist eigentlich eine Transe?"
"Keine Ahnung! Frag Mami, DER weiß das!"

xDDD

[Fevii]

papa, papa ich hab geträumt mich hat ne ziege vergewaltigt...papa:interessant interessant *am ziegenbart rumspieln*

[Kingdingelling]

[Fevii]

Originally Posted by Kingdingelling

lol? wasn das...