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How to be an IDIOT on forum :P

Discussion on How to be an IDIOT on forum :P within the Off Topic forum part of the Off-Topics category.

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Talking How to be an IDIOT on forum :P

This guide was created by a member known as V, I found it fantastic and despite being a huge text is very worthwhile read.

This text is translated Portuguese to English.. Them it will have some grammatical errors.

I recommend, one of the best guides I've read that does deserve to be fixed


More and more web forums have been taken by idiots. Everyone knows who they are: that jerk who always acts as if she did not understand anything, even when it's clear that even a chimpanzee would understand, that girl who only talks about things cutis and cute and writes 99% of the words in ways outlandish and useless (as "luv" and "ya") and fill the posts of emotions, making them unreadable; that sucker who always wants to take everything seriously to pretend that he is intelligent, and he slowed down pretending not find grace nothing to look cool; that idiot who thinks that post multiple posts in a row is a good way to draw attention, etc..

In fact, today IDIOTAS ravaged the Internet so that us poor people with normal IQ above 100, we become the minority and victims of prejudice by our annoying insistence on posting things consistent and free of grammatical errors.

If you are part of that suffering minority, do not despair: PUTTING YOUR PROBLEMS!

Now is the practical guide on how to be a jerk in From Internet forums!

Now you can learn to become a complete idiot, in a short time and with guaranteed results! Do not spend more shame to their posts well written and full of content: learn to post things absolutely vain and ridiculous, and part of the majority!

The Practical Guide On How To Be A Fool In Forums In Internet 9.5 is divided into easy lessons, so that even an idiot could understand. So if you are already a IDIOT, you will have the chance to take his art to perfection!



Lesson 1 - REGISTERING AS AN IDIOT (optional)

This lesson is optional, so if you want, you can skip straight to second. Of course, for wearing the Forum you must register, anyone who does not know this is an IDIOT, then it is obvious that the lesson does not speak specifically about the act of registering, but how you do it.

For starters, you will have to choose a nickname. If you really want to get to perfect the art of being an IDIOT this stage, it is recommended to choose a nickname IDIOT. The options are relatively limited, yet there is enough to satisfy the most demanding IDIOT. You can:

a) create a nick written wrong or incomplete, as "Clold" or "Master Knif"

b) create a nickname redundant in English to make it clear you know nothing about English but want a nickname "estaile" as "Killer Angel Assassin" or "Flaming Blaze" (item "a" can be applied here, effect combo)

c) create a variation of some ridiculous nick certainly trocentas people are already using, such as "***% N @ ruto %***" or DDDaRKKK "

d) creating a nick unreadable, as "¤'¯` • »P ®¥§¢¥|_@...."

e) create a normal nick. This is a risky option, because even though some idiots use nicknames in fact non-idiot, they usually compensate in other ways. So be careful when choosing this option, because you will be wasting a perfectly good chance to show what he is STUPID.

Remember to be as creative as you can, or you will simply look like someone pretending to be an IDIOT, and this is an absurd thing that certainly does not exist.

The second step is to fill the other fields of the profile. This is highly optional because many idiots are lazy, and others do not even realize that there are more fields to be filled.

If you choose to fill them, do so in an absolutely STUPID. Put bad jokes in their personal as "Oh ... I forgot" or "OMG! How much for write.. o___o , etc..

If you decide to use a signature, use the greater fool than to find / invent. Too familiar phrases, sayings and thousand-nine hundred-and-guarana-of-stopper, is a good option. Messages incomprehensible to other users / friends / Personal unknown cosmic entities are recommended, especially if you add some emoticons. All this together is even better. Release the pullet. The signing is the first place where users reveal their personality and their personality must be spectacularly STUPID.


Lesson 2 - "HI, I AM AN IDIOT"

This lesson is obligatory, then pay close attention. Virtually all IDIOTAS create threads for if present, so if you do not create one, will not be a complete idiot. "But, hey, many people who create threads for if present are not idiots," you can see. Yes, but the idiots do it in style.

A good way to start is to create the topic in the wrong place. Search the subforum that has less to do with presentations from users and open discussion there. Everyone will soon realize how STUPID you are and, therefore, you will be quickly accepted as part of the group.

But calm down, you still have in front of the hard work of writing the message. At this point it is interesting to note that IDIOTAS hate writing, then you must do so in the most nut and sloppy as possible (see Lesson 3, below).

Important: when normal people read a topic of presentation, they probably want to know something about you. That's exactly why you should not in any way leave personal information clear and accessible on the topic. Explains: when the IDIOTAS read a topic of presentation they are not giving a damn who you are, they just want to post "Welcome". Thus, when an IDIOT opens a session topic he does not want to talk about himself, he just wants people post "Welcome" on it.

Not that you should not say anything about himself, that would be too dumb, even for the dumbest of fools. (I mean, you can even risk doing that, but the other idiots can become jealous of the level of their IDIOTIOLATION, which would hamper its acceptance in the group.) The best option is to write a post IDIOT base, following the specifications of Lesson 3, occasionally throwing one or other personal information in the middle. Thus the other fools on you immediately recognize one of them.


Lesson 3 - THE ART OF "READ" and "WRITE" LIKE AN IDIOT

This is probably the most important lesson of all, so pay close attention. As mentioned previously, IDIOTAS hate writing, despite doing it all the time. And as you are about to become an IDIOT, it is essential to learn the art of writing as one.

First of all, you must understand that, and hate writing, reading IDIOTAS abhor. Thus, when post does not give a damn about what is being discussed in the topic. Do not waste time reading the posts of other users, it is not necessary for an IDIOT.

"But if I did not read what others have written, which I'll post?" Ah, poor and naive to be. Post what you want. There are no rules about what should or should not post when you're an IDIOT. Contact the dog of his neighbor who had a worm the size of a rattlesnake, talk about the girl you fell in love at school, talk about your band, New Metal favorite, whatever!

Of course, occasionally IDIOTAS talk about the subject of the topic, then you should also do this from time to time. But when you venture into this unusual activity only read the first post of the topic and nothing more. Post something that has a slight connection with this post and ignore all others. Thus the other fools will soon realize that you, as they do not have the mental capacity to follow a discussion of more than two messages, and soon will embrace it as part of its ever-growing clan.

Something even more rare are responding directly IDIOTAS posts from other users. If you decide to do this, you should exercise extreme caution, because if you start to actively participate in discussions, so the IDIOTAS will start to think you are an annoying and will consider it an annoying normal person. Because this is dangerous ground, here are some tips:

- Never use quotes. It is simply the worst thing you can do. Your message will be horribly organized, and organization is something that does not exist in the world of idiots. Instead of using quotes, copy and paste the message that you will respond and respond right away, preferably without skipping line. Thus it will be virtually impossible to identify what is the original post and what is the answer, and the result is worthy of an idiot.

- Never say anything constructive. If you respond directly to a message, do it with some stale joke or some idle comments, rather meaningless.

Now that we have made clear what you should write, it's time to talk about writing.

For idiots, "grammatical rules" are just two words boring. Therefore, disrespects them whenever you can, and remember that there is no exaggeration when it is an IDIOT. Change ç by ss, and vice versa, change the verb tenses all the time to invent words that mean nothing, and so forth. Make each error count, and other fools will be impressed with his lack of sense.

Equally important are the typos. A true IDIOT should write as if their fingers were being controlled by a drunken puppeteer. And very important: never, never fix anything to write.

But of course this is not enough for a true IDIOT. One of the greatest contributions of the Internet for mankind was that from the IDIOTAS it could develop its own language. It is important that you fully master this language if you want to be respected as IDIOT.

Like anything designed by an idiot, this dialect is simplistic and irregular. The main rule is that there are no rules, but there are some basic guidelines to follow. Language is basically the exchange of letters, sometimes in order to put out of use the shift key, which is a very complex concept to IDIOTAS (where we have seen, press two buttons at once), and sometimes simply to sound STUPID.


IDIOTAS ignore the existence of the grave accent and circumflex. These things simply do not exist in their world.

The score should also be carefully careless, but watch out for the following standards:

- A priori, completely forget the score. Pretend it does not exist. It is a mirage. Not there.

- Exclamation points and question marks should be used with extreme discretion (IDIOTAS are many questions without putting a question mark at the end, as everyone in the world are forced to learn that it is a question). If you find it absolutely necessary to put a question mark or exclamation in a sentence, is not limited to just one. Use an amount about 900% higher than a normal person would use.

- In the case of commas, use them very rarely, and only in cases where it should not be used.

- As well as caret backquote and, in the world of IDIOTAS the semi-colon is only by accident.

They are also common among other resources IDIOTAS IDIOTAS language, how to write in all capital letters and / or repeating a letter over again the same word, as in an outbreak of crazed animation. Again, no specific rules for this, except to say that "Wayne is better."


Lesson 4 - EMOTICONS EVERYWHERE

IDIOTAS love all kinds of emoticons, so use them. "But emoticons, as the name implies, are useful to convey emotion in the impersonal medium of the Internet, and may even serve to enhance the sarcasm of certain messages, and it certainly is not stupid," one could observe insightfully. Yes, but apparently IDIOTAS not know it. Therefore, you have to always use emoticons in parts of the message where they do not mean nothing, and in quantities unnecessarily overwhelming.

All forums have at least some smilies, and idiots like to mix different so it does not make sense. However, you should not be limited to the forum smilies. IDIOTAS enjoy the emoticons made with the signals from the keyboard, for example:

o__o

_o /

Etc.

Something special is IDIOT extend it for them to occupy more space:

XDDDDDDDDDDDD

o________________o

_o ///////////////////////////////

Etc.

Stretch them far beyond the limits of common sense, rather distorting the page, and before you know it is already in the hall of fame of idiots.


Lesson 5 - BE NEEDY

All IDIOTAS are pathologically needy. They are invariably spoiled and childish beings that need attention like a smoker needs nicotine. This means that all your posts are actually attempts to draw attention disguised messages.

His whole attitude to the post should be focused on that goal, and there are certain standards of behavior that are guaranteed result:

First of all, declare his immeasurable hope to make friends

Please welcome to all members who open a session topic. Take MSN around the world who can. Send private messages to "good morning" and / or "good night" and / or "good morning" to everyone who is online. Etc.

When you get an MSN number of forum users, apply the techniques below (we've always gives preference to users of the opposite sex, but please be assured that there are few if you're male):

- Declare unlucky in love

This is very popular. For some unknown reason, the idiots believe look pathetic, frustrated in love can help them to gain points with the opposite sex. Go figure. In any case, regardless of your age, act like a frustrated teenager who just take the first off, try and use this to start a relationship with someone of the forum itself, even if you've never seen (or spoken to) that person. (This item is practically impossible in a forum RPG Maker, unless you're gay).

- Declare your immeasurable ineptitude in making friends / be lucky in love

Has to see that things are getting a little repetitive, no? Well, actually this technique should be applied after the previous ones. When you can not make friends / start a love relationship from the forum, seems more frustrated than ever, despairing to the point where he contemplated suicide. Insist that you are so pathetic that can not relate or with a bunch of nerds on the Internet, and you hate yourself for it.


Lesson 6 - LAUGH: FOREVER OR NEVER

There are basically two kinds of idiots: the fool-happy and silly, arrogant. Before embarking on the journey to the idiot, you must choose one of these groups. Strangely, there is hardly news IDIOTAS ranging between these two aspects of behavior. Virtually all IDIOTAS invariably belong to one of these groups, without ever changing.

If you choose to be a fool-happy, you should put laughter in all your posts, at least those where you forget. If you forget, do not edit the post to add the laugh (remember the paragraph about the typos, never fix anything). One great idea is to post again, just to add to laugh. This is so STUPID that other IDIOTAS forum will be impressed with how stupid you are, and maybe even the elect their leader. Laughter irritants are recommended. The "u" are popular, as "hauhahhiuhuheuheuhauhhehiha" or "huahuahuahu.

If you choose to be a fool, arrogant, you should never show the slightest trace of good humor. Your goal should be to become the most boring person on earth. Always seem to bad-tempered and act like a perfect asshole. Complain all the time, and find all bad. And very important: forget the lesson 4. Emoticons usually indicate animation, and this kind of IDIOT can never seem excited.

(It is important to note that the morons belong to this species are subject to the facts described in Lesson 5 like everyone else, but would not admit it openly or under torture. Follow the behavioral patterns described in this lesson at home, since they do not conflict with the personality described in the paragraph above.)

* There is a branch of the case above, it is the only kind of idiot who writes fairly certain, is articulate enough to follow a discussion and seems to be even moderately intelligent. You must be extremely careful if you choose to embark on this rare group, as compensation for the absence of so STUPID to read and write is that all attitudes common to basic species (arrogance, bad temper, nagging, etc.) are elevated to the cube. Frankly, there are many reasons why someone would choose to be that kind of IDIOT, as it is played out by both ordinary people and themselves IDIOTAS.


Lesson 7 - Love it or hate Moderators

Again, here there is no middle ground. IDIOTAS invariably find that the moderators) are always right or b) are always wrong.

If you choose to follow the case), never questioned the attitude of a moderator. Accept everything that they do not give a hoot, much as the attitude in question seems absurd. Praise them and encourage them always, but complain of the idiots that belong to the b). Take bets on the operation of the forum and subtle pokes ear who break the rules (of course the idiots tend to ignore the rules, what makes these ear-pulling an attitude somewhat hypocritical, but that is minor). Occasionally some idiot becomes moderator, so keep a positive attitude, because it can happen to you!

If you choose to part b), always questioning the attitudes of the moderators, however much they seem sensible and consistent. Complain about everything they do, accusing them all the time of favoritism and tyranny. A recommended behavior is this: just take care that interfere with your use of the forum (is deleting a message you posted, locking a topic you created or even giving a subtle tweak of the ear), embodies that moderator and password to hate it above all others. Thereafter, 75% of your posts have the sole purpose of defaming the moderator in question. Accuse him of despotism, type ignited protests about how he (a) has no respect for their freedom of expression, etc.. Choramingue without stopping, and even after months always bring up the episode where his arch-enemy who locked your topic just because there were already 5 equal. Soon you will end up winning their first warning, a status symbol among the idiots.


Lesson 8 - NEVER UNDERSTAND, ALWAYS ASK

IDIOTAS never understand. If you want to be taken "seriously" as IDIOT, you should look very confused all the time, and ask about everything. Act as if it had never heard of Google or the help of MRI, and use the forum as your personal search engine.

This should be done as follows: say, in a discussion of events, someone said about Cycle. A IDIOT true would not the slightest idea what the hell is cycle, and never use Google to find out how much more help. Therefore, the attitude to take IDIOT would post in the discussion, something like "What's Cycle ????? o___O. It is important to note that most of the idiots never go back to read the answers to your question - they do not want to know the answer, just want to ask.

The best time to put into practice the behavior described above is when the discussion is lively and active, and all participants are having fun. Thus the question eventually becomes IDIOTA a bucket of cold water that makes everyone angry, unless of course, idiots.

This lesson is also used for things on the Forum itself. It has been said in the previous lesson that IDIOTAS ignore the rules, but you should ignore them very carefully or you'll end up banned, and it would not be anything productive, because you would have to find another forum and do it all again to convince everyone there that you're an IDIOT.

Instead of focusing on disregarding rules, ask! No one can ban you for asking, right? Well then abuse it. Ask all the time how to use the tags, even though it was clear that any idiot can see that there are shortcuts to them on the screen to respond, and when some soul patient paying for the sins of some past life to explain in detail how to do everything, do wrong! Ask how to put an avatar, and after receiving all the guidelines of how to do it, try to put several to the size well above the permissible limit, always wondering why is not working. Insist on these attitudes and soon the IDIOTAS children will want to be like you when they grow up.


Lesson 8.5 - NEVER USE THE FORUM QUESTIONS (supplementary)

This is actually a complement of the previous lesson, and just about one specific detail, but important. Most forums have a subforum for users resolve doubts. In fact, among the forums that have only two possibilities: either the administrators just do not call her idiot, or are themselves IDIOTAS.

Anyway, keep this in mind: it is extremely complicated and absolutely useless to an IDIOT. Instead of using it, post your question on the topic that is closest to, or better yet, open a new topic with your question in the subforum that is closest to, unless it is of the doubts.


Lesson 9 - Flood TOP

This is something that has already been suggested in virtually all previous lessons, but here will be addressed directly, so there is a sense of completion in the guide (and also in case someone is STUPID enough to not have realized by now that flooding is one thing that invariably idiots do). This is the last thing you need to know before embarking on the incredible adventure that is to be an IDIOT in Internet forums: IDIOTAS flood. Much. So get to work!

To better understand the ways of achieving attitude flooder, the rest of the lesson is separated into items, which are like sub-lessons (ie lessons within the lesson), because after reading all this you should be enough to dumb down the something direct and illustrative be needed:

1 - Never edit your posts

If you just post something and remember something else to say no, do not edit your post. Always post again soon after. Idiots like this because it is a good way to attract attention, even negative. (Note: the last comment really made no sense, since for IDIOTAS the words "attention" and "negative" should not appear in the same sentence. Call attention is always something positive to IDIOTAS, no matter how .) The effect is cumulative: if you still remember the third one thing to say, post again, and so on, even if it means a page with 5 posts followed by the same author. (You do not need to actually have something to say when you post below. Indeed, it is even better than you. I mean, it's even better to have nothing to say when the first post.)

2 - Pull conversation

If someone answers a post its, post your any, act as if that person is your friend for years, even if you do not have a clue who she is. Ask the first thing that comes into your head and try to turn the topic into a chat, destroying any chance of someone using it for what it serves. Try doing that when some discussion already in progress: the complete success will make all participants lost interest and migrate to other topics.

3 - Poste everywhere

Search post in all topics from all areas, even though it has nothing relevant to say in 99% of them (which, incidentally, will be the case in 99% of the time).

4 - Create many topics

Try to create as many threads in the shortest time you can. A good strategy is to look at the threads of the first page and create one on an issue that is already being discussed, a moderator will lock you up, giving the cue for you to apply the technique of harassment described in lesson 7.

5 - Make it clear you are reading

Post comments on any unnecessary idle comments that you see. Even if you have absolutely nothing to add, is always good form for an IDIOT to launch a "Really?" Or "Agree." Post laughter after anything that looks vaguely like a joke. Appear. This is a synthesis of all the behavior of idiots, then repeat as a mantra: "Come. Appear. Come ... "


__________________________________________________ ______


Ok, by now you've learned enough to do the rest for yourself. With luck, you should already be irreparably idiots, the point of not being able to return to the mental state of a normal human being. If you've been an idiot when he began to read this guide, your mind probably has reached that stage of idiots that scientists spent months trying to figure out how you can dress yourself.



PS: A Practical Guide to How to be a jerk in From Internet forums is entirely based on facts, but in itself is entirely false and useless, created with the sole purpose of making jokes, with no intention to offend anyone (though it is entirely based on facts). Anyone offended by the show this text is clearly an idiot who does not deserve the slightest consideration.
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Old 03/27/2010, 16:23   #2
 
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yes.. u proved it
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Old 03/27/2010, 16:23   #3
 
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Ok ist klar
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Old 03/27/2010, 16:25   #4
 
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not funny
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Old 03/27/2010, 16:31   #5
 
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How to be an idiot on Forum
1. Play Metin2
2. Take a Name like "Luiz01"
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Old 03/27/2010, 16:31   #6
 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by Noyze View Post
yes.. u proved it
yeah, i made this because i needed to feel stupid.
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Old 03/27/2010, 16:35   #7
 
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we know that
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Old 03/27/2010, 19:11   #8
 
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Erinnert mich in gewisser Weise an USB's Survival-Guide
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Old 03/27/2010, 19:49   #9
 
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too long
did not read
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Old 03/27/2010, 20:09   #10

 
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You forget the step where you have to translate the text for other people
example: i translate the guide for fermans:
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Old 03/27/2010, 20:38   #11
 
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Schön, dass du den Google Translator benutzen kannst
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Old 03/27/2010, 21:01   #12



 
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gratz, you just did it
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Old 03/27/2010, 22:43   #13

 
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Quote:
Originally Posted by getToasted View Post
Schön, dass du den Google Translator benutzen kannst
ja das war ja auch der sinn das gehört zum how to idiot blabla
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Old 03/27/2010, 23:01   #14


 
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to much text.

I didn#t read it but i think u are a ******.
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Old 03/27/2010, 23:16   #15

 
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i didnt read it copy & paste into google translator is difficult enough ~.~
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