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Schwarzer Humor :D

Discussion on Schwarzer Humor :D within the Quotes forum part of the Off-Topics category.

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Old 08/22/2018, 13:54   #991



 
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Talking

Letztens habe ich einen Polen und Türken Ping Pong spielen sehen. Wisst ihr wie sich das angehört hat?



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Old 10/09/2018, 15:34   #992


 
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How does every German joke start?





What is so ironic about Atheists?


Why can't atheists solve exponential equations?



Why did the Atheist cross the road?


How many atheists does it take to change a light bulb?



A young girl comes home from a date looking rather sad.

Her mother asks her what's wrong.

She says, "Bill proposed to me an hour ago."

Her mother asks, "Why are you so sad then?"

The girl replies, "Because he also told me he was an atheist. Mom, he doesn't even believe there's a hell."

Her mother says, "Marry him anyway. Between the two of us, we'll show him how wrong he is."




An atheist was rowing at the lake, when suddenly the Loch Ness monster attacked and grabbed him from his boat. He panicked and shouted "God help me!", and suddenly, the monster and everything around him just stopped. A voice from the heavens boomed "You say you dont believe in me, but now you are asking for my help?" The atheist looked up and said: Well, ten seconds ago I didnt believe in the Loch Ness Monster either!


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Old 10/11/2018, 11:43   #993


 
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Why is the German Prime Minister never seen in the morning?


What tea do German futbol players drink?


What's the difference between German striker Miroslav Klose and a puppy?


Why do German futbol players do so well in math?




Hitler ist unterwegs. Das Auto rast an einem Bauernhof vorbei. Da springt ein Schwein auf die Straße. Der Fahrer kann nicht mehr bremsen. Das Schwein stirbt. Hitler befiehlt seinem Fahrer, zum Hof zu gehen und es dem Bauern zu sagen. Der Fahrer sagt zum Bauern: "Ich bin der Fahrer unseres Führers! Das Schwein ist tot!"
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Old 10/12/2018, 22:54   #994


 
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Old 10/17/2018, 12:43   #995


 
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They say an Englishman laughs three times at a joke. The first time when everybody gets it, the second a week later when he thinks he gets it, the third time a month later when somebody explains it to him.


What is the difference between an Englishman and his photograph?


What do you call an englishman with an IQ of 50?


Never ask a foreigner where he is from. If he is not english he will tell you within a few minutes, and if he is English, why embarrass him?
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Old 10/19/2018, 12:03   #996


 
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What's the difference between German socialism and an ******?

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Old 10/22/2018, 12:18   #997


 
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What is the difference between christianity and national socialism?

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Old 10/24/2018, 13:52   #998


 
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Did you hear about the French Army rifle sold on eBay?
The only description under the picture of it was "Nie gefeuert, einmal fallen gelassen"
This is German for "never fired, dropped once"
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Old 10/31/2018, 13:00   #999


 
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Why are there so many tree lined streets and leafy lanes in France?



What does a German bride get from her husband on her wedding day that is long and hard?


What does a German politican have in common with a German pornstar's mouth?

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Old 02/26/2019, 11:56   #1000






 
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Mein Freund ist böse auf mich, weil ich an dem Höschen seiner Schwester gerochen hab.
Es hat auch nicht geholfen, dass sie das Höschen währenddessen noch getragen hat und dass ihre ganze Familie dabei war.
Den Rest der Beerdigung seiner Schwester herrschte dann eine recht unangenehme Stimmung.
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Old 04/26/2019, 14:03   #1001



 
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Talking Die 1.000 machen wir hier jetzt noch voll! :D

1. Der Papst trägt sich schon seit längerer Zeit mit Selbstmordgedanken. Es ist für ihn die einzige Möglichkeit sich beruflich zu verbessern.

2. Was braucht man für die Wiedervereinigung der Beatles?

3. Ironie ist, wenn ein Nazi in einer Rechtskurve stirbt, weil er zu viel Gas gegeben hat.

4. Ich weiß gar nicht welches Kind meine Frau meint, dass ich angeblich unfair behandle? Thomas, Anton oder das fette Hässliche?

5. Sohn: „Mami, Mami, Vater hat sich auf dem Dachboden aufgehängt."
Mutter: „Waaaaaas?"
Sohn: „April, April, das war nur Spaß. Er hängt in der Garage."

6. Schwarzer Humor ist so wie Essen.
Hat halt nicht jeder.

7. Warum ist die Banane krumm?

8. Warum sitzen bei einem Behinderten-Konzert die Glatzköpfe immer in der ersten Reihe?

1000 Beiträge Ihr seid doch alle Krank


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