Fun Files (Texts, Jokes, Links, Games etc.)

[flohthuka]

Originally Posted by F.A.Q

edit-button ist neu oder thuka?

E*pvp war bei mir gestern ein wenig lahm -.-. Habe grade erst gesehen das ich nen doppelpost hatte

B2T:


Ein Kölner, ein Dortmunder und ein Düsseldorfer dürfen in den Bodensee springen, und sich dabei im letzten Moment etwas wünschen, in was sie springen wollen. Der Kölner überlegt - läuft los - springt - und sagt "Kölsch". Als er auftaucht, ist alles um ihn herum Kölsch. Nach einer Weile läuft der Dortmunder an - springt - und sagt "Pils". Ein frisches Pils erwartet ihn. Auch er ist überglücklich. Nun ist der Düsseldorfer an der Reihe. Er läuft an - springt, stolpert und sagt "SCHEISSE"

[lofthouse]

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=xhM-cpSwrmM

[RRE-GUE]

flohtuka der war gut ^^

[mulatii]

The aspiring psychiatrists were attending their first class on emotional extremes. "Just to establish some parameters," said the professor to the student from Arkansas, "What is the opposite of joy?"

"Sadness," said the student.

And the opposite of depression?" he asked of the young lady from Oklahoma.

"Elation," said she.

"And you sir," he said to the young man from Texas, "how about the opposite of woe?"

The Texan replied, "Sir, I believe that would be giddy-up."

[flohthuka]

Gestern war ich auf der A2 unterwegs:
Links von mir fuhr eine Frau einen brandneuen BMW mit über 130 km/h, ihr Gesicht ganz nah am Spiegel, und pinselte ihre Augenlider.
Einen Moment sah ich weg; als ich wieder hinsah war sie schon halb in meiner Spur, noch immer mit Make-up beschäftigt.
Obwohl ich ein sehr männlicher Kerl bin, erschrak ich so, dass mir mein Elektrorasierer aus der Hand flog, der mir mein Sandwich aus der anderen Hand schlug.
Beim Versuch, den Wagen mit den Knien wieder in die Spur zu bringen, fiel mir das Handy vom Ohr direkt in den heissen Kaffee zwischen meinen Beinen.
Der schwappte heraus, verbrannte mir meine edelsten Teile, ruinierte mein Handy und unterbrach ein wichtiges Gespräch.
Die Kippe im Mund konnte ich gerade noch festhalten!

Oh Mann, ich hasse Frauen am Steuer!!!

[mulatii]

Types of computer viruses

Adam and Eve virus: Takes a couple of bytes out of your Apple.

Airline virus: You're in Dallas, but your data is in Singapore.

Anita Hill virus: Lies dormant for ten years.

Arnold Schwarzenegger virus: Terminates and stays resident. It'll be back.

AT&T virus: Every three minutes it tells you what great service you are getting.

The MCI virus: Every three minutes it reminds you that you're paying too much for the AT&T virus.

Bill Clinton virus: This virus mutates from region to region and we're not exactly sure what it does.

Bill Clinton virus: Promises to give equal time to all processes: 50% to poor, slow processes; 50% to middle-class processes, and 50% to rich ones. This virus protests your computer's involvement in other computer's affairs, even though it has been having one of its own for 12 years.

Congressional Virus: Overdraws your computer.

Congressional Virus: The computer locks up, screen splits erratically with a message appearing on each half blaming the other side for the problem.

Dan Quayle virus: Prevents your system from spawning any child processes without joining into a binary network.

Dan Quayle virus: Simplye addse ane ee toe everye worde youe typee..

David Duke virus: Makes your screen go completely white.

Elvis virus: Your computer gets fat, slow, and lazy and then self destructs, only to resurface at shopping malls and service stations across rural America.

Federal bureaucrat virus: Divides your hard disk into hundreds of little units, each of which do practically nothing, but all of which claim to be the most important part of the computer.

Freudian virus: Your computer becomes obsessed with marrying its own motherboard.

Gallup virus: Sixty percent of the PCs infected will lose 38 percent of their data 14 percent of the time (plus or minus a 3.5 percent margin of error).

George Bush virus: Doesn't do anything, but you can't get rid of it until November.

Government economist virus: Nothing works, but all your diagnostic software says everything is fine.

Jerry Brown virus: Blanks your screen and begins flashing an 800 number.

Madonna virus: If your computer gets this virus, lock up your dog!

Mario Cuomo virus: It would be a great virus, but it refuses to run.

Michael Jackson virus: Hard to identify because it is constantly altering its appearance. This virus won't harm your PC, but it will trash your car.

New World Order virus: probably harmless, but it makes a lot of people really mad just thinking about it.

Nike virus: Just Does It!

Ollie North virus: Turns your printer into a document shredder.

Oprah Winfrey virus: Your 200MB hard drive suddenly shrinks to 80MB, and then slowly expands back to 200MB.

Pat Buchanan virus: Shifts all your output to the extreme right of your screen.

Paul Revere virus: This revolutionary virus does not horse around. It warns you of impending hard disk attack---once if by LAN, twice if by C:.

Paul Tsongas virus: Pops up on December 25 and says, "I'm not Santa Claus."

PBS virus: Your PC stops every few minutes to ask for money.

Politically correct virus: Never calls itself a "virus", but instead refers to itself as an "electronic microorganism".

Richard Nixon virus: Also known as the "Tricky Dick Virus", you can wipe it out but it always makes a comeback.

Right To Life virus: Won't allow you to delete a file, regardless of how old it is. If you attempt to erase a file, it requires you to first see a counselor about possible alternatives.

Ross Perot virus: Activates every component in your system, just before the whole thing quits.

Ted Kennedy virus: Crashes your computer but denies it ever happened.

Ted Turner virus: Colorizes your monochrome monitor.

Terry Randle virus: Prints "Oh no you don't" whenever you choose "Abort" from the "Abort, Retry, Fail" message.

Texas virus: Makes sure that it's bigger than any other file.

UK Parliament virus: Splits the screen into two with a message in each half blaming other side for the state of the system.

Warren Commission virus: Won't allow you to open your files for 75 years.

[.Turk]

Sitzen 2 Weiber auf ner Bank, rubbeln sich den Kitzler blank... sagt die Rechte zu der Linken : "Riech mal wie meine Finger stinken"....

[mulatii]

A man arrives at the gates of heaven. St. Peter asks, "Religion?"

The man says, "Methodist."

St. Peter looks down his list, and says, "Go to room 24, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

Another man arrives at the gates of heaven. "Religion?"

"Baptist."

"Go to room 18, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

A third man arrives at the gates. "Religion?"

"Jewish."

"Go to room 11, but be very quiet as you pass room 8."

The man says, "I can understand there being different rooms for different religions, but why must I be quiet when I pass room 8?"

St. Peter tells him, "Well the Jehovah's Witnesses are in room 8, and they think they're the only ones here.

[MiniKiller]

Hast du krümel in der Spalte, ist es Kacke undzwar alte!

[Noxian]

[R°Rumble]

Mein größter Feind das weiß ich wohl ist der böse Alkohol!!
Doch in der Bibel steht geschrieben :"Du sollst deine Feinde lieben!"

[theit123]

Witz :

Vater : Hi

Sohn : Hi

[lofthouse]

[Yuura™]

Geht ein Sandkorn mit einem anderen in die Wüste!
Bis jetzt verstanden?
Sagt das eine zum anderen:
"Heute ist aber viel Betrieb!
Jetzt kommt der Teil wo ihr lachen müsst,in etwas so :

[Frezee]

Originally Posted by Yuura™

Geht ein Sandkorn mit einem anderen in die Wüste!
Bis jetzt verstanden?
Sagt das eine zum anderen:
"Heute ist aber viel Betrieb!
Jetzt kommt der Teil wo ihr lachen müsst,in etwas so :

so habe ich geschaut: