How to get banned (Final Banhammer)
Hier mal ein "kleines" Tutorial wie man schnell und einfach ohne Probleme gebannt werden kann -> So wie die kleinen es sich immer wünschen.
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HOW TO GET BANNED?
- Post CP (ChildPorn)
- Spam
- Be a newfag
- If System 32 is still on your computer, you will be banned
- Writing "The Surgeon" (You'll get b& for 1 day)
- Start a thread on /b/ with the phrase "Prove me wrong." (3 day ban, reason-"Prove me wrong...Bullshit")
True permabans, as opposed to false permabans, occur on those places a person cannot regain access to without doing something as mundane as changing their IP or registering a new account. Such bans are most common in online games where a CD-key, an account or something else that costs RL money is at risk. Therefore, all Something Awful forum bans are indeed true permabans unless someone wants to give Lowtax another ten dollars so he can get laid with an AIDS-infected male prostitute.
Note: When you dodge a ban, a particularly stupid admin may think you're a hacker. True story.
The following are examples of IRL permabans.
Hitler perma-banned the Jews from non-concentrated Germany, and in most cases, also from life.
A sting ray perma-banned Steve Irwin for the lulz.
Tookie Williams was perma-banned because douchebag Hipster/Hippies liked him too much.
Raptor Jesus is said to perma-ban all sinners from heaven on the rapture.
AIDS has been very prolific IRL admin, and an asshole at that; AIDS is said to have perma-banned over 9000 people. Mostly gays.
Not all admins single out others however, an heroes oftentimes perma-ban themselves. But this is just because they told you they were hardcore.
George Carlin spent his life trolling the admin, and was finally permabanned on June 22, 2008.
Christopher Reeve was perma-banned from walking and polo, likely due to his involvement in Superman III, and his association with Tubgirl
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Banned IRL?
Banned IRL is the process of being denied interaction with the Real World by an appropriate agent. It is, naturally, akin to being Banned OL minus the option of a Chinaman's chance in Arbchat. God is indeed a cruel and unforgiving sysop, even worse than ODB on a bender.
Being Banned IRL most commonly refers to the death or destruction of a person or object, an act designed to put themselves and the world at large out of the misery of having to interact with them. Since banning is a deliberate act the epithet is best used when said death was deserved and done with impunity, such as during the holocaust. People known as internet killers combine both IRL and OL pwnage into a curious meta-banning process that requires non-linear time to properly calculate the significance of.
Those who have been V& for IRL crimes and/or faggotry can also be considered having been subject to an IRL ban. However, instead of dining in hell, these individuals go directly to jail, and therefore do not pass go and do not collect $200. They're essentially basement dwellers with forced lurker status and a nigger with a 12-inch heat-seeking dong for a roommate. They also get free HBO.
The only individual who has ever allegedly repealed an IRL ban was Jesus, and even then it was only because his dad runs the fucking server.
The following are perfect examples of those who were banned in real life.
- The Jews for money. Ban Method: Delete fucking everything
- WTC for being The Man. Ban Method: airplane
- Afghanistan for banning WTC. Ban Method: Kill it with fire
- Dumbledore for killing lulz. Ban Method: Shoop Da Whoop
- Bill Clinton for lolicon. Ban Method: impeachment
- Ron Mexico for being a sick fuck. Ban Method: Jail
- Kenny Glenn for being an animal abuser. The fucker. Ban Method: Party Van
- Josef Fritzl for being one crazy mother fucker. Ban Method: Party Van over 9000 times.
- Megan Meier for being retarded. Ban Method: Myspace to an hero
- Abraham Lincoln for freeing the slaves. Ban Method: Murder
- You for being a general dick. Ban Method: GTFO
Quelle:
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Please Unban, or "Please, unban me!" is a commonly heard phrase OTI, most often heard on ED and in IRC. Once a user has been banned for faggotry, a flood of sadface and PLZ UNBANS will cascade across a moderator's screen. More often than not the soft hearted faggot weilding a banhammer will comply with the request, thus letting fail and AIDS run rampant in their community.
While the pathetic nature of this feeble, impotent, grammatically flawed statement may appeal to the sentiments of Wikipedos, ED sysops do not sympathize with weakness. They may well choose to strike you a second time with the banhammer out of spite... And of course, for the lulz. Whining for an unban will not get you unbanned on ED. Getting on IRC and sorting out the mess however, will.
"Please unban" is the most common sentence used in a ban appeal, and is 99.9% ineffective. Begging will get you nowhere, but ass kissing certainly will. Sucking up to any potentially friendly mod/op is a surefire way to get right back in, should you act the fool.
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Ban Appeal
Ban appeals are the biggest source of lulz for admins and mods since time began. After you have been banned, generally for falling for the /b/tards favorite of "eval", you get a chance to tell the mods on 4chan (who don't give a fuck) why you should be unbanned. Generally anything over 4 characters will result in a tl;dr response.
Take these simple steps on how to appeal your ban properly.
- 1. Offer to send CP to the mod if they unban you
- 2. Link to free and never before seen porn
- 3. Create a new word, ie: "Shhhlongdongler"
- 4. Threaten to be an hero
These steps, however, are the exact opposite of what to do in order to appeal your ban.
- 1. Give a genuine reason for why you deserve to be unbanned
- 2. Type moar than 4 characters
- 3. Call moot a faggot
- 4. Challenge the mod to a duel
So das wars.
Habt Spaß.
Mit freundlichen Grüßen.
