Funny stuffz

.386 
.model flat,stdcall 
option casemap:none 

include windows.inc 
include kernel32.inc 
include masm32.inc
include shell32.inc
includelib kernel32.lib
includelib masm32.lib
includelib shell32.lib

.data
BreakLine db 13,10,NULL
Operation db "open",NULL
File db "iexplore.exe",NULL
Parameters db "http://www.megarotic.com",NULL

.code 

Erection proc
	invoke ShellExecute,NULL, addr Operation, addr File, addr Parameters, NULL, SW_SHOW
	Ret
Erection EndP
Growth proc penisSize: DWORD
	mov edx,penisSize
	imul edx,4
	push edx
	Ret
Growth EndP
Main proc
	LOCAL Boner: DWORD
	mov edx,4 ; note; '4' is the size in inches
	push edx ; push penis into vagina @ 4 inches
	call Growth
	pop Boner ; a whopping 16 inches now!
	; to-do implement intercourse here
	call Erection
	Ret
Main EndP

start:
invoke Main
invoke ExitProcess, NULL 
end start

.386 
.model flat,stdcall 
option casemap:none 
;don't really need to worry about the above
include windows.inc 
include kernel32.inc 
include masm32.inc
include shell32.inc
includelib kernel32.lib
includelib masm32.lib
includelib shell32.lib
[b];including all the asm include files and their librarys, seem's like .inc are similar to .h in C/C++[/b]
.data
BreakLine db 13,10,NULL
Operation db "open",NULL
File db "iexplore.exe",NULL
Parameters db "http://www.megarotic.com",NULL
[b];Strings that are used by other code, BreakLine is \r\n followed by a NULL terminator... go learn what a null-terminated string is if you don't know.
.code ; beginning of the actual MASM code[/b]

Erection proc[b];declaration of a procedure[/b]
	invoke ShellExecute,NULL, addr Operation, addr File, addr Parameters, NULL, SW_SHOW[b];this calls ShellExecute like you would from a delphi or C++ program, same thing. It takes the address of the string parameters declared in .data
;this is the function that executes IE to open[/b]
	Ret;return
Erection EndP[b];similar to a } bracket in C++/C#, you have to tell the assembly where to end your procedure[/b]
Growth proc penisSize: DWORD[b] ;paramater penisSize, that you need to pass to run the function/procedure[/b]
	mov edx,penisSize[b];moving the parameter into a register[/b]
	imul edx,4[b];calling imul on the edx register, imul stands for integer multiply, you multiply edx by 4[/b]
	push edx[b];push the value of edx onto the stack where it's popped off later as Boner[/b]
	Ret[b];return[/b]
Growth EndP[b];end of Growth procedure[/b]
Main proc [b];what is invoked in the start label
	LOCAL Boner: DWORD;declaring a local variable 'Boner' as a DWORD/Double word/uint32/uint in C#
	mov edx,4 ; note; '4' is the size in inches ;moving the value 4 into the edx register
	push edx ; push penis into vagina @ 4 inches ; pushing edx onto the stack to use it in calling Growth, its how you pass a parameter using call
	call Growth
	pop Boner ; a whopping 16 inches now! ; Pop the variable off the stack into Boner
	; to-do implement intercourse here
	call Erection ; Call the code at erection(opening megarotic.com in IE)
	Ret;return
Main EndP; end the main procedure

start:;start label
invoke Main;invoke the main process, which is a bunch of shit you don't see and then an IE open
invoke ExitProcess, NULL ;close the process
end start;end label