Quote:
Originally Posted by zero_epvp
Even if I want to help you, I will say no. We all know what you did in the past, what kind of person you were and trully, a person cannot change in just a few months, like a complete reborn of yourself, brand new person, brand new feelings etc. Your rage and hate towards some of us is still there but you hardly trying to hide and suppress it. I`m not saying you`re not a good buy, I bet you are but when it comes about having patience and acting like you should, not like how you feel errr... let`s say it`s not your best part. You`re seeking for acceptance and for you, getting the mod position is like "take that bitch, now what?". I was part of the staff on the other forum (we all know which one) and when you came in, problems appeared. I resigned because, the forum being in a constant fight does not do any well for anyone. When I resigned, along with me, other important staff members resigned. We couldn`t let die all we created until that moment. As you can see, that forum is dead after our leave so I kinda (no offense really) find you responsable for that. The moderator position, doesn`t fits you. You can do and be helpful to the community w/o being part of the staff. If you think this forum is not giving you back enough just for the fact that it exists, you don`t really need to be here after all. Considering your past behavior, even if you`ll force yourself to do the right choices, you`ll again fail because that`s not natural, you`ll be tempted to listen to random people, get confused and take the wrong turn in an event of something important. Don`t be mad at me, I`m nearly active as you are here but I don`t think you`re the right person for that job.
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It didn't take me a few months to change who I was. I've been recovering from a trauma that consumed half of my life here on earth. I hate nobody, not even the person who caused my trauma. Hate is a strong word and I would never use it towards a member here or of any other community. I continue to believe that my past actions don't influence this application, yet I can't help but wonder how the staff must see me.
All I know is how dedicated I am to this community. Without this community, I wouldn't be going to college right now. I wouldn't have a career path or people begging me to work for them. All I'm asking for is an opportunity to give back. It really hurts me when I see an entire section ignored, like the CO2 Weapon, Armor, Effects & Interface Edits section. It needs moderation; however, there's not a
single moderator willing to even open the section. I don't want it to die. I don't want Conquer Online development to die. There are so many opportunities in it. That's why I want to be a moderator. I want to help the community see those opportunities. The administrators don't really have a choice. They could either continue to ignore this application or accept me. The section can't be balanced on one moderator and I'm the only one *willing* to lend a helping hand (*Edit: Sorry for the confusion there, I meant that I'm the only one who is willing to apply. I've been talking with everyone I could about applying but nobody feels either qualified or responsible enough to take the position).
I fit the part because I know how to be a leader. I lead my life through events that nobody I know could even imagine. I lead my family through hard times in the economy. I'm the reason why my mom has a job and why my grandma has a roof over her head. I am a leader. Previously, I was a moderator on 4botters. When I first started, I had problems. I stepped down to allow myself to recover the strength and impartiality I needed to lead a forum. The day I arrived back, I was immediately promoted to Moderator of the Conquer Online section, and I was soon promoted again to Global Moderator. I remember the fights you're mentioning, and I remember attempting to talk to every participant to stabilize the forum again. If you left the community out of loathsome feelings against me, then that's not my problem. I'm proud of my moderating position on 4botters and I was sad to leave after half a year of service. I left because this forum needs my help. I see development on this forum that I'd never see on 4botters. There are opportunities here, as I've said before, and I know how to reach them. I'm the top computer science student at my college. I set the curve and it's thanks to this forum for getting me there. It's thanks to previous moderators like Korvacs (Jack) and Pro4Never (Chris) that I found opportunities here.
I'm not mad at you. I'm not trying to direct this wall of text at you either. I hope some day you can see the true side of me that everyone else higher up has seen. People make mistakes and I'm an example. I don't suppress that fact. I'm not perfect and I'm not trying to be. I never tried changing who I was. I'm a positive, spirited person and I care about the members here. At one time, I cared too much about the opinions being made about me. It's taken me time to grow up. I know it's hard to find trust in someone you've despised for such a long time. Please though, try to find some trust in me. I'm only applying here because the staff needs a helping hand and the members need another moderator to give attention to the sections that the current and past moderators ignored.
I'm sorry that I'm not who you expected to be until now.
Thanks so much if you can understand my position.
Sincerely,
Spirited Fang