Quote:
Originally Posted by InvincibleNoOB
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I will continue if you want me to. :D
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Yea continue. Hope you guys like mines : )
Read them they are worth it(I hope)
I will try.
A guy's girlfriend invites him over for dinner and after they are going to "get it on" (im just trying to avoid sexually explicit language)
The guy goes to buy condoms at a pharmacy and talks to the pharmacist. He says
"My girlfriend invited me for dinner and after we are going to "get it on" over and over again so, I need the biggest pack of condoms you have.
The pharmacist tells him to get the Biggie pack.
The time comes and he is about to have dinner with his girlfriend's family,
since her family is religious they all put their heads down say grace and pray.
One by one they all go putting their heads up, untill the guys is the only one that has his head down.
His girlfriend goes to him, "Wow, I did not know you were so religious."
And he replies to her,
"I did not know your dad was a pharmacist."
More to come if I have time to write them. :)
EDIT:
A guy works at a McDonalds, but he feels that during work his wife is cheating on him.
One day during work he decides to go to his apartment on a 7th floor of an 11 floor apartment building.
Once he goes inside the house he starts looking for his wife and finds her on the bed sweating and naked.
He gets angry and starts looking all around the house for who could be responsible,
he looks in the bathroom, closet and does not find anything
but as he is heading to the balcony he sees someone gripping on to the edge of the balcony,
he quickly goes in his room gets a Golf club rushes back out to the balcony and starts beating on the guys fingers until he loses his grip and falls down.
He was relieved but once he looks down he sees that the guy that fell is rolling around in some bushes.
He quickly goes and unplugs his refrigerator and rolls it over the edge of his balcony
and it falls on the guy that was on the bushes, killing him.
After that he felt so bad that he went got a gun and shot himself.
Now he is at the Pearly Gates before entering heaven, and there are 2 other people there with him.
But before being allowed to enter he must talk to Saint Peter and confess what was the reason he has died.
He goes in first and talks to Saint Peter and says,
"Well the reason I am here is because I thought my wife was cheating on me,
so I went home and found her on the bed sweating and naked and went looking for whoever did this,
I saw someone in the balcony and with a Gold club I made him lose the grip on my balcony and fall.
I felt so bad that I got a gun shot myself and ended up here."
Saint Peter gives him permission to enter Heaven.
Next up came another guy and said to Saint Peter,
" well you see I was on the 11th floor of my apartment building where there is a gymnasium,
I was on a treadmill when it went out of control and i rolled all over the floor and went out through the glass wall they have,
I thought i was going to fall and die but I was lucky enough to hold on to a balcony,
I was almost up and some guy just started beating on my fingers, and I lost my grip and fell,
Luckily enough I landed on soft bushes and regained consciousness
but once I looked up I saw a refrigerator and it landed right on top of me and thats how I got here."
Saint Peter also allowed him to go into Heaven.
Once he third person comes in Saint Peter tells him the same thing he starts to tell his story and he goes,
"Well you see, I was hiding in this refrigerator....."