jokes been updated
from num 17 to 43
hello my friend , i just notic most of silkroad players only play the game all the time, and not having fun with any other way , all here just wanna come to search for a bot or a crack! and most of the members dont know each other as a friends
well , i will start the move , my name is mohammed shora , 27 years old , computer enginner , im a simple guy who love all people and love to have fun and hang arround with friends , im from egypt , cairo.
i made this thread to let all of u have a little funny time , and i hope any one of u have also a cool thing , he can add it here as a reply.
Jokes.
1-
One day a little girl came running into her house yelling, "Mommy, I got five dollars!"
The mother was curious, so she asked her child where she got the five dollars from.
The little girl replied, ''Tommy down the street gave me five dollars for doing cartwheel while he sat in the tree.
The mother told her daughter, "Don't you know that Tommy is just trying to see your panties."
''OOOOhhhh'' said the little girl.
The next day the little girl came running into the house yelling, "Mommy, I got ten dollars. The mother asked, "Where did you get the ten dollars from?"
The little girl replied, "Tommy down the street gave me ten dollars for doing a cartwheel while he sat up in the tree and laughed."
The mother replied, "Didn't I tell you that he is...''
Before the mother could finish, the little girl said, ''Wait Mommy. I tricked him, I didn't wear any panties today.
2-
a little girl saw her father naked, so she asked him: what is that between ur legs father , her father dont want to tell her about this stuff now, so he told her thats my car. the girl screamed and say: why i dont have a car, he told hir cause u have a garage my dear. the next day the girl came from school covered with blood , her father asked her: what happened
she said ; my friend want to park his car in my garage so i slashed his two front tires
3-
Little Mary was not the best student in Sunday School. Usually she slept through the class. One day the teacher called on her while she was napping, ''Tell me, Mary, who created the universe?'' When Mary didn't stir, little Johnny, an altruistic boy seated in the chair behind her, took a pin and jabbed her in the rear. ''God Almighty !'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good''
and Mary fell back to sleep. A while later the teacher asked Mary, ''Who is our Lord and Savior?'' But Mary didn't even stir from her slumber. Once again, Johnny came to the rescue and stuck her again. ''Jesus Christ!'' shouted Mary and the teacher said, ''Very good,''
and Mary fell back to sleep. Then the teacher asked Mary a third question, ''What did Eve say to Adam after she had her twenty-third child?'' And again, Johnny jabbed her with the pin. This time Mary jumped up and shouted, ''If you stick that damn thing in me one more time, I'll break it in half!'' The Teacher fainted
hehehe
4-
A guy dials his home and a strange woman answers.
The guy says, ''Who is this?''
''This is the maid,'' answers the woman.
''We don't have a maid,'' says the man.
The woman says, ''I was hired this morning by the lady of the house.''
The man says, ''Well, this is her husband. Is she there?''
The woman replies, ''She is upstairs in the bed room with someone who I figured was her husband.''
The guy is fuming and says to the maid, ''Listen, would you like to make $50,000?''
The maid says, ''What will I have to do?''
The man tells her, ''I want you to get my gun from the desk, and shoot the witch and the jerk she's with.''
The maid puts the phone down; the man hears footsteps and then two gun shots.
The maid comes back to the phone, ''What do I do with the bodies?''
The man says, ''Throw them in the swimming pool.''
Puzzled, the maid answers, ''But you don't have a pool.''
A long pause and the man says, ''Is this 567-5309?''
5-
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
6-
There was a little boy and a little girl in a bathtub having a bath. Suddenly the little girl looked down at the boy.
"Can I touch it?"
"No way -- you already broke yours off!"
7-
A girl asks her boyfriend to come over Friday night and have dinner with her parents. Since this is such a big event, the girl tells him that after dinner, she would like to have sex with him for the first time.
The boy is ecstatic, but he has never had sex before, so he takes a trip to the pharmacy to get some condoms. The pharmacist helps the boy for about half an hour. He tells the boy everything there is to know about condoms and sex. At the register, the pharmacist asks the boy how many condoms he'd like to buy a 3-pack, 10-pack or family pack. The boy insists on the family pack because he thinks he will be rather busy, it being his first time and all.
That night, the boy shows up at the girls parents house and meets his girlfriend at the door. "Oh, I'm so excited for you to meet my parents! Come on in!"
The boy goes inside and is taken to the dinner table where the girl's parents are seated. The boy quickly offers to say grace and bows his head. A minute passes, and the boy is still deep in prayer, with his head down 10 minutes pass, and still no movement from the boy. Finally, after 20 minutes with his head down, the girlfriend leans over and whispers to the boyfriend, "I had no idea you were this religious."
The boy turns, and whispers back, "I had no idea your father was a pharmacist
8-
A blonde in a convertible is speeding down the highway when she gets pulled over by a female police officer, who also turns out to be a blonde. She walks up to the convertible and asks to see the blonde's drivers license.
Confused, the blonde asks, "What does a license look like?"
Eager to help, the officer happily responds, "It's that thing in your purse with your face on it."
The blonde begins searching through her purse and finally pulls out a mirror. She flips it open, sees her own reflection and figures that must be it. After handing it over to the officer, the officer carefully looks at it says, "Oh, I'm so sorry. If I knew you were a cop, I wouldn't have pulled you over!"
9-
No $
a guy wrote to his father.
Dear Dad,
$chool i$ really great. I am making lot$ of friend$ and $tudying very hard.
With all my $tuff, I $imply can't think of anything I need, $o if you would
like, you can ju$t $end me a card, a$ I would love to hear from you.
Love,
Your $on.
* * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * * *
his father wrote back.
Dear Son,
I kNOw that astroNOmy, ecoNOmics, and oceaNOgraphy are eNOugh to keep even an
hoNOr student busy. Do NOt forget that the pursuit of kNOwledge is a NOble
task, and you can never study eNOugh.
Love,
Dad
hahaha, i hope u got it
10-
Little Johnny was in his math's class one day when the teacher
singled him out.
"If I gave you $20," the teacher began," and you gave $5 to Mary,
$5 to Sally and $5 to Susan, what would you have?"
"An orgy," Johnny answered
11-
there was a family that found a cat on the house door, the family didnt want to keep the cat, the mother took the cat and left it on the street , but every time the cat come back to the house , so she asked her young son, can u take that cat and leave it far away from the house? the kid said yes , and he took the cat , 2 hour passed and the boy didnt come back and his mother was afraid on him
after 3 hours the boy came back home , his mother askid: what happen?
the kid said , i got lost
, the mother: so how u came back???
he told here: i folowed the cat
12-
working with FBI
The phone rings at FBI headquarters.
"Hello?"
"Hello, is this the FBI?"
"Yes. What do you want?"
"I'm calling to report my neighbor Adrian Thibodeaux! He is
hiding marijuana inside his firewood."
"Thank you very much for the call, sir."
The next day, the FBI agents descend on Thibodeaux's house. They
search the shed where the firewood is kept. Using axes, they bust
open every piece of wood, but find no marijuana. They swear at
Thibodeaux and leave.
The phone rings at Thibodeaux's house.
"Hey, Adrian! Did the FBI come?"
"Yeah!"
"Did they chop your firewood?"
"Yep"
"Great, now it's your turn to call. I need my garden plowed."
13-
A mortician was working late one night. It was his job to examine
the dead bodies before they were sent off to be buried or cremated.
As he examined the body of Mr. Schwartz, who was about to be
cremated, he made an amazing discovery. Mr. Schwartz had the
longest private part he had ever seen!
"I'm sorry Mr. Schwartz" said the mortician, "but I can't send you
off to be cremated with a tremendously huge private part like this.
It has to be saved for posterity."
With that, the mortician used his tools to remove the dead man's
schlong. He stuffed his prize into a briefcase and took it home.
The first person he showed it to was his wife. "I have something to
show you that you won't believe," he said, and opened up his briefcase.
"Oh my God!" she screamed. "Schwatrz is dead!"
thats ok for now , i will add more soon when i remember them , cause the rest what i have now is bad for kids
14-
A man walks into a pharmacy, buys a condom, then walks out of the store
laughing hysterically. The pharmacist thinks this is weird, but, hey, there's
no law preventing weird people from buying condoms. Maybe it's a good thing.
The next day, the man comes back to the store, purchases another condom, and
once again he leaves the store laughing wildly. This piques the interest of
the pharmacist. What's so funny about buying a rubber, anyway?
So he tells his clerk, "If this guy ever comes back, I want you to follow him
to see where he goes."
Sure enough, the next day the laugher is back. He buys the condom, starts
cracking up, then leaves. The pharmacist tells his clerk to go follow the
guy.
About an hour later, the clerk comes back to the store.
"Did you follow him? Where did he go?" asks the pharmacist.
The clerk replies " He went to your house''
15-
On a very cold winter night, three homeless men huddled up close
to keep warm. In the morning, the guy on the right says, "I had a
dream that someone was pulling on my di**."
The guy on the left says, "I also had a dream that someone was pulling on my di**."
"The guy in the middle says, "I had a dream that I went skiing."
16-
A married man goes to confessional and he tells the priest,
"I had an affair with a woman... almost." The priest says,
"what do you mean almost?"
The man says, "Well, we got undressed and rubbed together
but then I stopped."
The priest replies, "Rubbing together is the same as putting
it in. You're not to go near that woman again, now say five
Hail Marys and put $50 in the poor box."
The man leaves confessional, goes over and says his prayers,
then walks over to the poor box. He pauses for a moment and
then starts to leave.
The priest, who was watching him, quickly runs over to him and
says, "I saw that, you didn't put any money in the poor box!"
The man replied, "Well Father, I rubbed up against it and you
said it was the same as putting it in!"
New jokes been added
jokes ver 1.44
17-
U R Dead Honey
A woman accompanied her husband to the doctor's office.
After the check-up, the doctor took the wife aside and
said, "If you don't do the following, your husband will
surely die".
1.Each morning, fix him a healthy breakfast and send
him off to work in a good mood.
2.At lunch time, make him a warm, nutritious meal and
put him in a good frame of mind before he goes back
to work.
3.For dinner, fix an especially nice meal, and don't
burden him with household chores.
On the way home, the husband asked his wife what the doctor
had told her.
"You're going to die," she replied.
18-
The Dark Closet
A woman takes a lover home during the day while her husband is at work.
Her 9 year old son comes home unexpectedly, sees them and hides in the
bedroom closet to watch. The woman's husband also comes home. She puts
her Lover in the closet, not realizing that the little boy is in there
already. The little boy says, "Dark in here." The man says, "Yes, it
is." Boy - "I have a baseball." Man - "That's nice." Boy - "Want to buy
it?" Man - "No, thanks." Boy - "My dad's outside." Man - "OK, how much?"
Boy - "$250"
In the next few weeks, it happens again that the boy and the lover are in
the closet together. Boy - "Dark in here." Man - "Yes, it is." Boy - "I
have a baseball glove." The lover, remembering the last time, asks the boy,
"How much?" Boy - "$750" Man - "Sold."
A few days later, the father says to the boy, "Grab your glove, let's go
outside and have a game of catch. The boy says, "I can't, I sold my
baseball and my glove." The father asks, "How much did you sell them for?"
Boy -"$1,000" The father says, "That's terrible to overcharge your friends
like that. That is way more than those two things cost. I'm going to take
you to church and make you confess." They go to the church and the father
makes the little boy sit in the confession booth and he closes the door.
The boy says, "Dark in here." The priest says, "Don't start that shit
again, you're in my closet now."
19-
The Ridiculous
WIFE: "There's trouble with the car. It has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "Water in the carburettor? That's ridiculous."
WIFE: "I tell you the car has water in the carburettor."
HUSBAND: "You don't even know what a carburettor is. I'll check it out.
Where's the car?"
WIFE: "In the pool."
20-
eyesight
wife looks in the mirror and says 2 her husbend ,,i look fat , horrible and ugly,..please say something nice 2 me... husbend replies ... ur eyesight is perfact darling..
21-
The Bar
A guy walked into a bar one day and said to the barman, "Give me six double vodkas."
The barman says, "Wow! you must have had one hell of a day."
"Yes, I've just found out my older brother is gay."
The next day, the same guy came into the bar and asked for the same drinks. When the bartender asked what the problem was today the answer came back, "I've just found out that my younger brother is gay too!"
On the third day, the guy came into the bar and ordered another six double vodkas. The bartender said, "Jesus! Doesn't anybody in your family like women?"
The man downed the first drink and shook his head, "Yeah, my wife!"
22-
Father Vs Son
A father said to his son, "When Abe Lincoln was your age, he was studying books by the light of the fireplace."
The son replied, "When Lincoln was your age, he was President."
23-
I'm a Rabbit
The Los Angeles Police Department (LAPD), The FBI, and the CIA are all trying to prove that they are the best at apprehending criminals. The President decides to give them a test. He releases a rabbit into a forest and each of them has to catch it.
The CIA goes in. They place animal informants throughout the forest. They question all plant and mineral witnesses. After three months of extensive investigations they conclude that rabbits do not exist.
The FBI goes in. After two weeks with no leads they burn the forest, killing everything in it, including the rabbit, and they make no apologies. The rabbit had it coming.
The LAPD goes in. They come out two hours later with a badly beaten bear. The bear is yelling: "Okay! Okay! I'm a rabbit! I'm a rabbit!"
24-
The Yankees
a first-grade teacher asked her class. "Who likes the Yankees?" Everyone raises a hand except one girl. "Janie", the teacher says, surprised. "Why didn't you raise your hand?" " I am not a Yankees fan" "Well, if you are not a Yankees fan, then what team do you like?" "The Red Sox" Janie answers "Why in the world are you a Red Sox fan?" "Because my mom and dad are" "That's no reason to be a Red Sox fan", the teacher replies, annoyed. "You don't always have to be just like your parents. What if you mom and dad were morons? What would you be then?
The girl replyed :A Yankees fan
25-
Smart Kid
A young boy enters a barber shop and the barber whispers to his customer, "This is the dumbest kid in the world. Watch while I prove it to you."
The barber puts a dollar bill in one hand and two quarters in the other, then calls the boy over and asks, "Which do you want, son?"
The boy takes the quarters and leaves.
"What did I tell you?" said the barber. "That kid never learns!"
Later, when the customer leaves, he sees the same young boy coming out of the ice cream store. "Hey, son! May I ask you a question? Why did you take the quarters instead of the dollar bill?"
The boy licked his cone and replied,"Because the day I take the dollar, the game's over!"
26-
Search ur pic
Bob is in the army. After 4 months of being in the army, his girlfriend sent him a letter saying she'd slept with 2 guys since he'd left and wanted to break-up and all the pictures he had of her sent back. So Bob did what any other American would do. He went around to all his army buddies and asked for pictures of girls they wouldn't mind giving up. He then took all the pictures, some decent, some X-rated, and put them in a big envelope to send to his girlfriend with a note saying "I don't remember you. Please remove your pictures and send the rest back
27-
Stupid Beatiful
A man said to his wife, "I don't know how you can be so stupid and so beautiful at the same time."
The wife responded, "Allow me to explain. God made me beautiful so you would be attracted to me; God made me stupid so I would be attracted to you!"
28-
29-
Silence
A man and his wife were having some problems at home and were giving each other the silent treatment. Suddenly, the man realized that the next day, he would need his wife to wake him at 5:00 AM for an early morning business flight. Not wanting to be the first to break the silence (and LOSE), he wrote on a piece of paper "Please wake me at 5:00 AM." He left it where he knew she would find it.
The next morning, the man woke up, only to discover it was 9:00 AM and he had missed his flight. Furious, he was about to go and see why his wife hadn't wakened him, when he noticed a piece of paper by the bed.
The paper said, "It is 5:00 AM. Wake up
30-
U Have a Light Man?
During a visit to the mental hospital, a visitor asked the Director what the criterion was which defined whether or not a patient should be institutionalized.
"Well," said the Director, "we fill up a bathtub, then we offer a teaspoon, a teacup and a bucket to the patient and ask him or her to empty the bathtub."
"Oh, I understand," said the visitor. "A normal person would use the bucket because it's bigger than the spoon or the teacup."
"No." said the Director, "A normal person would pull the plug. Do you want a bed near the window?"
31-
The Marajuana Test
A lady writes in to her local newspaper's advice column: Hi, I think that my son might have a marajuana plant growing in my kitchen. What should I do?
The next day, the answer was posted in the paper: Take some of the leaves, cut them up, mix them in with some tobacco, roll it into a cigarette and smoke it. If you're still worried afterwards, then it's a sunflower
32-
The Man Of The House
The husband had just finished reading a new book entitled, "You Can Be THE Man Of Your House." He stormed to his wife in the kitchen and announced, "From now on, you need to know that I am the man of this house and my word is Law You will prepare me a gourmet meal tonight, and when I'm finished eating my meal, you will serve me a sumptuous dessert. After dinner, you are going to go upstairs with me and we will have the kind of sex that I want. Afterwards, you are going to draw me a bath so I can relax. You will wash my back and towel me dry and bring me my robe. Then, you will massage my feet and hands. Then tomorrow, guess who's going to dress me and comb my hair?"
The wife replied, "The damn funeral director would be my first guess
33-
Backpack
A docter, George Bush, a Preist, and a little boy were on a plane when it started having engine trouble.
In spite of the best efforts of the pilot the plane started to go down.
Unfortunetly there were only 3 parachutes remaining.
The docter grabbed one and said. "I am a docter, I save lives so I deserve to live." And jumped out.
Bush then said, " I am the President and I am the smartest man in the world, so I deserve to live." and jumped out.
The priest looked at the boy and said " My son I haved lived a long life, and you have a whole life to live, so you take the parachute."
The boy handed the parachute back to the priest and said "No worries father, the "smartest man in the world" just took off with my backpack."
34-
The Funeral
Three men were asked what they would want to be said about them at their funerals. The first one said, I want someone to say I was a wonderful father. The second man said, I want someone to say I was the greatest baseball player ever.
The last man said, "I want someone to say, He's moving, he's moving!
35-
A Gallon
A driver is stuck in a traffic jam on the highway. Nothing is moving.
Suddenly a man knocks on his window.
The driver rolls down his window and asks, "What's happening?"
"Terrorists have kidnapped Hillary Clinton, Ted Kennedy, Jesse Jackson, and Al Sharpton. They are asking for a $10 million ransom. Otherwise they are going to douse them with gasoline and set them on fire. We are going from car to car, taking up a collection."
The driver asks, "How much is everyone giving, on average?"
The man replyed :About a gallon
36-
370HSSV-0773H
After numerous rounds of "We don't even know if Osama is still alive," Osama himself decided to send George W. Bush a letter in his own handwriting to let the President know he was still in the game.
Bush opened the letter and it appeared to contain a single line of coded message:
370HSSV-0773H
Bush was baffled, so he e-mailed it to Condi Rice. Condi and her aides had no clue either, so they sent it to the FBI.
No one could solve it at the FBI so it went to the CIA, then to the NSA.
With no clue as to its meaning they eventually asked Britain's MI-6 for help. Within a minute MI-6 called the White House with this reply, "Tell the President he's holding the message upside down
37-
TGIF VS SHIT
An attractive blonde and a handsome man step into the same elevator. The blonde sighs happily and says 'TGIF', and is surprised when the man replies 'SHIT'. The blonde thinks perhaps he didn't hear her correctly, so she repeats it once again: 'TGIF!' and once again the man replies 'S H I T'. Finally, the blonde explains 'Sir, TGIF - Thank God it's Friday!' Stepping out of the elevator, the man smirks and says 'S H I T - Sorry honey, it's Thursday
38-
BoOoOoOoM
The body builder takes off his shirt and the blonde says, "What a great chest you have!" He tells her, "That's 100 lbs. of dynamite, Baby." He takes off his pants and the blonde says, "What massive Calves you have!"
The body builder tells her, "That's 100 lbs. Of dynamite, baby."
He then removes his underwear, and the blonde goes running out of the Apartment screaming in fear.
The body builder puts his clothes back on and chases after her. He catches up to her and asks why she ran out of the apartment like that.
The blonde replies, "I didn't want to be around all that dynamite when I saw how short the fuse was !!!!!!
39-
Math Test
A little boy comes home from school and tells his father, "I got an F in math today."
His father replies, "What happened?"
The boy says, "Well, my teacher asked me, 'What's 3 times 2', and I said '6.'"
The father replies, "Well, that's correct."
The boy says, "I know. Then she asked me, 'What's 2 times 3.'"
The father then replies, "Well, what the fuck is the difference?"
The boys says, "Well that's what I said!"
40-
Plz Buy A Ticket
A broke blonde decides to ask God for help. "Dear Lord," she prays, "if I don't get some cash, I'm gonna lose everything. Please let me win the lottery."
Lottery night comes, but the blonde doesn't win. She prays even harder, saying, "God, why have you forsaken me? My children are starving. Please just let me win this once."
Suddenly there is a blinding flash of light, and the blonde hears God speak.
"Sweetheart, work with me on this," he says. "Buy a ticket
41-
Magic Lamp 1
There once was a man who traveled to a strange foreign country, and while he was there he found a strange old lamp of some sort. When he got home he polished off the lamp, and out came a genie. Then the genie said "I'll give you three wishes, but on one condition, your mother in law gets twice as much as you wish."
So the man decided for his first wish that he wanted 1 billion dollars, so his mother in law (who lived across the street) got 2 billion dollars. For the man's second wish he decided that he wanted to have a 200 room mansion, so his mother in law got a 400 room mansion. For the man's last wish, he took a long time to think it out, and then he said to the genie, "I wish you choked me half to death
42-
Magic Lamp 2
three guys was camping in the desert and they got lost , on of them found the magic lamp , and out came a genie , the genie said every one have one wish to ask!
the first guy said , i wanna go home im lost in the desert , the genie said ok , and puff the first guy went home.
the secend guy said me 2 i wanna go home to my family i dont wanna die here , the genie said ok , and pufff the secend mane went home.
the third guy said wtf?? my wish is to bring me back those 2 mother fuc*** who left me in the desert alone!!
43-
worms
A chemistry teacher wanted to teach his 5th grade class a lesson about the evils of liquor, so he proceeded with an experiment involving a glass of water, a glass of whiskey, and two worms.
"Now class...observe the worms closely," said the professor, putting a worm first into the water. The worm wiggled around, happy as could be.
He then put the second worm into the whiskey. It wiggled about painfully and quickly sank to the bottom, dead as a doornail.
"Now, what lesson can we learn from this experiment?" the professor asked.
Little Bobby, sitting in the back, raised his hand and wisely responded, "Drink whiskey and you won't get worms
Quote:
Originally Posted by zariq1
System Upgrade consultancy by an IT Support guy
Dear IT Support,
Last year I upgraded from Boyfriend 5.0 to Husband 1.0 and noticed a
slowdown in the overall performance, particularly in the flower, gifts and
jewellery applications that had operated flawlessly under Boyfriend 5.0.
In addition, Husband 1.0 un-installed many other valuable programs, such
as Romance 9.5 and Personal Attention 6.5, but installed undesirable
programs such as Formula One 5.0, NBA 3.0 and World Cup 2.0.
And now Conversation 8.0 no longer runs and House Cleaning 2.6 simply
crashes the system. I've tried running Nagging 5.3 to fix these problems,
but to no avail.
What can I do?
Signed,
Desperate Housewife
========================
Reply:
Dear Desperate Housewife,
First keep in mind:
Boyfriend 5.0 is an entertainment package, while Husband 1.0 is an
operating system.
Try entering the command C: I THOUGHT YOU LOVED ME and download Tears 6.2
to install Guilt 3.0.
If all works as designed, Husband 1.0 should then automatically run the
applications Jewellery 2.0 and Flowers 3.5.
But remember, overuse can cause Husband 1.0 to default to Grumpy Silence
2.5, Happy Hour 7.0 or Late Night Outing 6.1.
Late Night 6.1 is a very bad program that will create SnoringLoudly.wav
files.
Whatever you do, DO NOT install Mother-in-Law 1.0 or reinstall another
Boyfriend program. These are not supported applications and will crash
Husband 1.0.
In summary, Husband 1.0 is a great program, but it does have a limited
memory and cannot learn new applications quickly.
You might consider additional software to improve memory and performance.
I personally recommend Hot Tasty Food 3.0 and Coffee 6.9.
New joke
-----------------------
Before and after marriage
Before Marriage.... ..
Boy: Yes. At last. It was so hard to wait.
Girl: Do you want me to leave?
Boy: NO! Don't even think about it.
Girl: Do you love me?
Boy: Of course! Over and over!
Girl: Have you ever cheated on me?
Boy: NO! Why are you even asking?
Girl: Will you kiss me?
Boy: Every chance I get!
Girl: Will you hit me?
Boy: Are you crazy! I'm not that kind of person!
Girl: Can I trust you?
Boy: Yes.
Girl: Darling!
After Marriage...... SIMPLY READ FROM BOTTOM TO TOP
FBI Pizza Call
FBI agents conducted a raid of a San Diego psychiatric hospital that was under investigation for medical insurance fraud. After hours of reviewing thousands of medical records, the dozens of agents worked up quite an appetite. The agent in charge of the investigation called a nearby pizza parlor to order a quick dinner for his colleagues. The following telephone conversation took place and was recorded by the FBI because they were taping the hospital.
Agent: "Hello. I would like to order 19 large pizzas and 67 cans of soda."
Pizza Man: "And where would you like them delivered?"
Agent: "We're over at the psychiatric hospital."
Pizza Man: "To the psychiatric hospital?"
Agent: "That's right. I'm an FBI agent."
Pizza Man: "You're an FBI agent?"
Agent: "That's correct. Just about everybody here is."
Pizza Man: "And you're at the psychiatric hospital?"
Agent: "That's correct. And make sure you don't go through the front doors. We have them locked. You will have to go around the back to the service entrance to deliver the pizzas."
Pizza Man: "And you say you're all FBI agents?"
Agent: "That's right. How soon can you have them here?"
Pizza Man: "And everyone at the psychiatric hospital is an FBI Agent?"
Agent: "That's right. We've been here all day, and we're starving."
Pizza Man: "How are you going to pay for all of this?"
Agent: "I have my checkbook right here."
Pizza Man: "And you're all FBI agents?"
Agent: "That's right. Everyone here is an FBI agent. Can you remember to bring the pizzas and sodas to the service entrance in the rear? We have the front doors locked."
Pizza Man: "I don't think so."[Click]
--------------------------------------------
Free Almonds
A bus driver is driving with a bus full of seniors down a highway, when a little old lady taps him on his shoulder, and offers him a handful of almonds, which he gratefully munches up.
15 minutes later she taps him on his shoulder again and hands him another handful of almonds.
She repeats this gesture about 8 times.
After the 9th time he asks the lady why they do not eat the almonds themselves.
She replied, "It is not possible because of our false teeth. We can not chew them."
"Why do you buy them then?" he asks, puzzled.
The old lady answers, "We just love to lick the chocolate around them".
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Spiked Mohawk
An old man was sitting on a bench at the mall. A young kid walked up to the bench and sat down. He had a spiked mohawk with all different colors. The old man just stared.
The young man said, "What's the matter old timer, never done anything wild in your life?"
The old man replied, "Got drunk once and had sex with a parrot. I was just wondering if you were my son."
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Escaped Prisoner
A man escapes from a prison where he had been kept for 15 years. As he
runs away, he finds a house and breaks into it looking for money and guns
but only finds a young couple in bed. He orders the guy out of bed and
ties him up in a chair. While tying the girl up to the bed he gets on top of her,
kisses her on the neck, then gets up, and goes to the bathroom. While he's in there,
the husband tells his wife:
"Listen, this guy is an escaped prisoner, look at his clothes! He probably
spent lots of time in jail, and hasn't seen a woman in years. I saw how
he kissed your neck. If he wants sex, don't resist, don't complain, just do
what he tells you, just give him satisfaction. This guy must be dangerous,
if he gets angry, he'll kill us. Be strong, honey. I love you"
To which the wife responds, "He was not kissing my neck. He was
whispering in my ear. He told me he was gay, thought you were cute, and asked if we kept any Vaseline in the bathroom. Be strong, honey.
I love you, too."
IT Support
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Quote:
Originally Posted by InvincibleNoOB
A blond woman woke up in the bright new, heavy, sunny day and goes to lavazza coffee.When a waitress goes to her saying "Good day,what do you want?",the blonde replies "coffee".Awhile after the waitress serves her a coffee,the blond woman suddenly call back the waitress saying "WTF?! This coffee smells of penis!".Shoked,the waitress goes to the barman saying "Our client's coffee smells of penis!!!".The barman picks it up taking a smell of the coffee and says "Tell her to hold the coffee with the other hand!".
Enough from me,
Have fun.
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if u wanna c GM_pritzil the noob , look at this
and fainlay , to any one who just saw my topic and stipped by here i wanna give him a million thnx , click here to get ur thnx
Note:
u have 2 choise , is that enugh thnx? or exit.
pls try both of them, u will like this flash so much
this flash been sent to me by the member
tzoc
ty all, i hope u share also.
Far Away From Silkroad ,Welcome to JokeRoad.( jokes ver 1.50)
